Concerning horseplay:

I’m pretty sure that working at a paper napkin factory entails dealing primarily with practical jokes.

Concerning what she didn’t realize:

There was a copy of Meditations on First Philosophy in my back pocket the whole time. It was half as interesting.

Concerning the battle of preferences:

My Super Ex-Girlfriend - 1, Orthodontic Surgery - 4

Birds: They will never know the joys of sitting.

If an hour is happy, it’s probably because it’s drunk.